Monday, January 2, 2012

two thousand and twelve.

Picnik collage

i've been seeing all these eloquent "goodbye 2011, hello 2012" posts where people wrap up the year in words and pictures and then go on to describe how they want to live out 2012. it's inspiring, encouraging, and like many of you, i have spent time processing the end of one year and the beginning of another.

and i wish i could say i had all these resolutions or ambitions for the year ahead, but frankly i just keep coming back to one thing.

i am tired.

it isn't like this "i'm tired, scooter. can i sleep in tomorrow?" kind of exhaustion. i've tried that. it's like this exhaustion from life. and i feel that in all aspects and areas, i am just a tired person. i'm a tired wife. i'm a tired mother. i'm a tired friend, daughter, sister, blogger, employee. but most of all, i'm a tired daughter of the Lord. 

i lose my patience easily. i get my feelings hurt more quickly. i snap at my husband faster. i have more anxiety over things that i don't need to be anxious about. i could blame this on my raging pregnancy hormones. and i'm sure some of what i'm feeling is from that. but more than anything, deep down inside my heart, i am just tired.

i feel like i've entered this stage with miles that is hard. it is hard work every single day to be diligent in my parenting, my consistency, my discipline. and a lot of days, i stare at him without a clue in my mind of what to do next. i've heard this is normal around this age: they can't communicate but they understand so much now. i am learning so much every day; i feel like at times i just can't keep up.

there are still boxes that are unpacked and pictures that aren't hung. we have a baby girl coming in just a few short months (i can't even believe how fast time is flying) and i have barely given her room one thought. we have amazing ideas for new things in the shop that i'm so excited about. and there are areas that i know the Lord wants to work on and grow me in (learning how to have boundaries and keeping them is one huge thing i know the Lord would love to teach me) but i just haven't opened up my heart to him yet.

when i read this sporadic, scattered post, i think the above sentence is the heart of the matter. and i know the solution is just so easy. open up my Bible. sit in a chair by myself and the Lord. pray without ceasing. simple, right? for some reason, i've let it become hard. and in return, it has made me exhausted.

i read this post this morning about choosing a word for the new year. and i'm not really that kind of girl. but for some reason, i felt this pull to one word:

refresh.

i want to change my attitude and become different because of it. i want to stop being tired. and start being refreshed. as a mom. as a wife. as a friend, daughter, sister, employee, blogger. but most of all, i want to be refreshed in my relationship with the Lord. because i feel that once i am refreshed with him, all my other worries and fears and anxieties will start to become easier hills to climb.

so for 2012....i am choosing to be refreshed in the Lord. there are big things on the horizon. fun things. life changing things. potentially tiring things. but i believe that with the Lord i can still feel refreshed in the midst of exhaustion. it takes a lot of work to make Him first and let everything else fall into place. but that is my goal for 2012. you read it here first.

care to join?

14 comments:

  1. you are in my brain. i am weeping, knowing i am not alone.
    i read this http://www.littlebitfunky.com/2012/01/rally-call-to-tired-and-weary.html
    over the weekend and lost it. so encouraged. refreshed.
    that is what i need. to have, and to give. refreshment.
    guess i am stealing or sharing? your word.

    katy, i love ya.

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  2. This is a rough place to be caught in. When the days begin to melt together and you can't seem to find your way through it all to come up for a breath. You're right though, open His word up and you'll find that fresh air. I'll be praying for you sweet girl.

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  3. I'm right with Hannah. You struck a very deep chord and have me in tears.. I'm trying so hard, especially with a new exciting season ahead but it isn't enough because I'm exhausted. I can't do it on my own.
    Thanks, Katy. Your vulnerability always shoots strait to the heart. Love ya.

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  4. i'm in. this is just what i needed. thanks :)

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  5. count me in! this struck a chord with me, too! having a toddler & a new baby in a month is intimidating & overwhelming...I'm even MORE exhausted just thinking about it! you have a beautiful way with words, my friend! love your sweet heart! xoxo

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  6. i so get what you mean. i decided to really give myself a break this year. i usually am so driven and want to do all these great things, but really i'm tired too. my life has been crazy and hard and stressful. i don't think i can take on any extra goals or self-improvement plans...so i'm with you...let's just be refreshed in the Lord this year. ok? ok :)

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  7. oh honey i'm so with you!!! i love that you call God, Lord.
    it shows me he is real and personal to you.
    love u.

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  8. love your word. it is perfect for you, it sounds like. and yeah, you're so right. getting back on track with the Lord WILL make everything else fall into place. abiding in Him means you yield fruit (of the spirit: love, joy, peace...all of it) without trying. it just flows. it is not trying harder, it's just walking with Him. makes me think of the song "I need Thee every hour" !!

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  9. i am all teary eyed and snively after reading this. i feel you. some days i am so tired too...like you said just a deep rooted exhausted that only the Lord can refresh. thanks for being so open and honest with how you feel. you are brave and inspiring. i love you so so much. looking forward to figuring it out with you. xxoo.

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  10. great post friend...you might be able to blame part of that on being preggo...:) Don't stress about the room...our son was born 6 weeks early I freaked b/c his room was barely done...in the long run it didn't even matter :)

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  11. refreshed in the lord is perfect katy!
    a wonderful as the holidays are i always get tried. it's just such a busy time.
    i'm sorry you are tired. there is light at the end of the tunnel. all your hard work will pay off with miles. the little years are SO tiring but you are shaping and molding that little guy into something wonderful.
    xxO

    i missed this post we've been under the weather.

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  12. ooh girl. i need this too.
    refresh.
    such a good word.

    invigorating.

    i totally feel you about the exhaustion.
    not sleep exhaustion.
    i sat at prayer night the other night and just felt like the world was all on my shoulders. but i couldn't figure out why.
    i felt exhausted.
    i don't know.
    i didn't feel like i was carrying crazy burdens.
    just heavy.
    weird?
    i don't even know.

    but here is to a refreshing 2012.
    because, God know's we need it! :) <3

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  13. I love this post, not because of how you've been feeling but because of where you're headed. It's the same reason I chose the word VIGOR. I have been tired too (to be honest apathetic) in far too many areas of my life and I needed to take some action to live fully again!

    This will be a wonderful time for you, happy 2012!

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  14. i'm JUST now waking up from a long period of being really "numb" with the lord. I couldnt hear, I didn't want to speak, I couldn't ask or thank, I was just numb. It's strange how those times come and go every now and then.

    Thanks for the honesty!

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