Wednesday, May 16, 2012

a birth story::camden jane.

in august of 2011, i laid in bed one night staring at the dark ceiling saying over and over again in my mind,
"i am pregnant and it is a girl."
i hadn't taken a test; i wasn't even close to my period. i just knew.
i was terrified. scared of change. so scared of what would happen to life with just miles.
so scared that i wouldn't ever be able to love someone as much as i love him.
sure enough, i was pregnant. and it was a girl.

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and as we got closer and closer to april 30th, people kept asking me if i thought she'd be late or early.
miles was a week late. but this time, i just felt like cammie jane would meet the world earlier than anticipated.
i went to my 37 week check-up and the doctor told me i was barely dilated and that not much was happening.
it was confusing because it sure felt like things were happening.
i thought my uterus was going to fall out every time i walked.

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on a saturday night during my 37th week, i started having some major contractions.
sometimes i felt like all i could do was curl up in a ball and breathe my way through them.
i was really close to telling scott we had to go to the hospital, but i decided to just fall asleep and see what happened.
and nothing happened. except for me feeling like i was walking with my baby's head between my legs.

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when i went to my 38 week check-up, the doctor told me i was already dilated to a 3.
she also told me that 2nd babies sometimes come early.
i left the appointment knowing in my heart that i would not make it to my next appointment.
i just knew it wouldn't be long before cammie was here.
i didn't tell many people, i just kept it to myself and spent the week tying up lose ends around the house.
and cleaning, obviously.

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it was really important to me that my mom made it to the labor.
i wanted her in the room with us and i was scared she wouldn't get here in time - she had to drive 4 hours.
and it was really important to me that my in-laws were here to watch miles.
i just wanted him in comfortable hands and didn't want to worry the whole time.
so i made sure they all knew that i felt it would be any minute.

and thursday, i woke up knowing it was almost time because i was having consistent, strong contractions.
i called my mom and told her to be by her phone and just tried to spend as much time with miles as i could.
by 3pm, the contractions were really strong and i knew it was only a matter of time.
my mom got into town before dinner and we just hung out a little bit and watched american idol.
after it was done, scooter and i packed up the car and left for the hospital.

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we checked in around 10pm and they monitored my contractions for about an hour to make sure the labor was legit. it was. so around 11pm, we settled in for the long haul.
sometime in the middle of the night, i decided it was time for an epidural.
and after that it was pretty much smooth sailing. kinda.
also: just wanted to point something out: i cried all night because of various different reasons, so when i knew the actual delivery was getting close, i promptly asked scott to pass me my make-up bag. haha. i didn't want to look like death in all the post-delivery pics that i knew would be taken. so don't believe i just naturally looked like this giving birth. i definitely blushed those cheek bones and glossed those lips.


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when i knew it was time to actually push, i started realizing that i could feel my legs.
i didn't feel my legs with miles until at least 12 hours after he was born.
and then i realized i could feel my contractions...like majorly.
i started pushing around 8am and it was the most intense 18 minutes of pain i've ever experienced.
i could feel every single second of that birth....and about an hour after i delivered her, i realized my epidural had worn off. i have no other explanation for that kind of pain!
i literally felt everything.
[it was worth it.]

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so camden jane entered our sweet world 10 days earlier than expected.
at a whopping 6 and a half pounds....crazy tiny!
and what a delight she has been to me - to all of us.
those feelings of fear that i had that she would never be loved as much as her brother...
not even possible.
the funny thing is, that it is a different kind of love.
miles is my first born - my sweet boy - the person that made me a mother.
and cammie is my sweet little girl - the feelings are so different.

i didn't know it was possible to have so much love in my heart.

[all pictures taken by davigirl]

16 comments:

  1. Her story is perfect.
    My epidural wore off while I was pushing. Eff.
    Those pictures are glorious.
    I want to hold her so bad!

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  2. What a sweet post. That's awesome that you were able to document it. I had to giggle that you blushed and glossed up...very wise. Those newborn pictures are just adorable!

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  3. I love her, thank you. I am so blessed to be a Grammy to two very special grand-babies, they bring so much JOY, indescribable. Thank you!

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  4. you didn't tell me the epi wore off!!!! good golly girl!
    also, I want to snuggle her and tell her all about the joys of texting across state lines.

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  5. She is so gorgeous!!!! And so are you momma!!! Congrats and I so understand how you feel...I love both my boys endlessly and differently! Enjoy & God Bless!

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  6. i'm very proud of you and your thinking ahead to glam up the make up.
    when i have my imaginary kids, i'm totally doing the same thing.

    my fave cammiecam in this post is the one with her little hand on her cheek. (in the middle).
    FYI.


    i love that you knew you were pregs. AND having a girl.
    i'm pretty good at guessing genders on preggies.
    i totally will know mine in my imaginary pregnancy as well.
    (actually, i already know, i'm having girls).

    and you are so cute in that nursery shot.
    love it. :)
    happy tuesday.

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  7. she just look so snuggly.
    i want a girl.
    congratulations for like the 2 millionth time.

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  8. Beautiful story and gorgeous photos! I'm thinking of you this morning and wishing our little families could spend a day on the beaches of Ocean City- eating frozen custard with jimmies. :o) Miss you, friend- and great job on baby number 2!

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  9. Love her birth story.
    Gosh I wish I had put make-up on...you are a wise woman :)
    Your little lady is so stinkin' cuuuuute!

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  10. I love Cammie Jane! Could she be cuter? Love youuu! And you didn't tell me the EPI wore off either. ahh, sorry. Is Cammie excited about the Top 3? No? me either.

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  11. i've been waiting to hear how she came in the world. i feel your pain with the no epidural...my worked...just the wrong direction. i think we should get our money back.

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  12. Beautiful birth story!
    Amazing mother's intuition you have!
    Those pictures are perfect!

    Cammie Jane is deeeeelish!

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  13. sweet, sweet!
    loved reading her story.
    you are my hero...a worn off epidural sounds cray.

    i adore you.
    xo

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  14. These pictures are out of this world! With my 3rd we didn't I barely made it to the hospital so there were NO drugs! There is nothing to describe that pain. I think Nathan should be extra nice to me for that. So glad you are enjoying life with 2.
    xoxo

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  15. Love, love, love the pics. She is a doll & you look great!
    And, I love the birth story. I LOVE reading birth stories! Thanks for sharing!

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