Tuesday, June 12, 2012

behind your computer screen.

a few weeks ago my friend melanie left a comment on a blog post.
she said i should do a series on how to parent two kids under two.
i mean, she already knows this, but i laughed really hard.
and then i told her that if i actually knew what i was doing, i would consider it.
but in real life, i have not one clue.
she said, "well you sure make it look full of fun and joy."
to which i replied, "please come spend an hour in my house."

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in reality: life feels messy over here.
YES - i have fun and i am full of joy.
in some ways, i have never had as much joy in my heart as i have these days.
my life feels full and complete in lots of ways that i haven't experienced thus far.
but that does not mean that some days are just.plain.hard.

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i feel like its a taboo topic among other women sometimes.
like its hard to just admit: my kid is in a naughty stage.
instead we (aka i) want to just put a pretty face on and say, "oh...he's an easy kid."
because admitting hardship is just that...hard.
the fact of the matter for me right now is that cammie jane IS a really easy baby.
i mean, i'm not sure you could get much easier than her.
but...i think it is because God knew exactly what i could handle at this point in my life.
and miles IS NOT EASY. at all, really.
he is two in two weeks. and he is pushing me to the absolute limits every single day.
lots of tears for both of us. lots and lots of tears every day.
i'm so thankful God knows my limits.

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it feels like failing to admit that sometimes i have to stop nursing my baby to discipline my child.
and before she's even done eating, i have to stop again to discipline miles again.
some days, i feel really alone because i don't want to tell anyone that miles hit me six different times before noon and i had to take care of it six different times.
it feels like failing to admit that some days i lose my cool and yell.
and that i haven't cleaned the toilet in the guest bathroom in who knows how long.
and that a maternity shirt has been sitting on the chair in my bedroom since before cammie was born.

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i feel like it would be a lot easier to make it seem like i have every i dotted and every t crossed.
and that i really could give a three-point sermon on how to parent two kids under two.
but some days, i don't even know how to parent one kid under two.
most of the time, all i can do is just pray that God will give me the strength to make it til the end of the day.
so on the other side of your computer screen is NOT someone that has it all together.
i'm a mess a lot of the time.
and while i struggle constantly to find grace for my child and grace for myself,
i DO have a joy in my heart that i haven't had before.
i know that JOY is a total gift from the Lord.
He is so good to us like that.

19 comments:

  1. i love this post. LOVE.
    i almost always feel like i have no clue what i'm doing.
    and? that is ok. it's OK!
    honestly, i am a bit leery of those that seem to have it all sewn up. thanks for reminding me that JOY doesn't depend on my often hard to deal with child.
    it doesn't depend on how confident i feel in parenting.
    jesus.
    he is it. and he knows ALL about what our kids need.
    he is reaching them through you, just keep showing up for him!

    xoxo

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    1. Totally there with Hannah... There's a point in almost everyday where I realize I have no idea how to raise my child!

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  2. We are the same person. Did you read this post? I wrote this 2 weeks before James turned 2!

    http://corymargrave.blogspot.com/2012/03/days-are-hard.html

    Praying for you today!

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  3. Yup, I'm just gonna say it...I.adore.you! This is just what good moms need to hear and reveal. These are the things that we need to share it other moms to encourage one another and lift each other up. God is SO good and will never give us anything beyond what we can handle. He also give us wonderful women to connect with and be transparent with...to grow, to be a parent like He's a parent. Grace...amazing grace!

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  4. Beautiful! I know it's hard and I only have one 20 month old! I see joy through you in how you love your kids. Thanks for sharing and for your honesty!

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  5. okay.
    so.
    this is SOOOOO not the same thing. AT ALL.
    (i'm going to leave my imaginary parenting skills out of this one)

    but sometimes i'm overwhelmed with what the Lord has given our little church in terms of responsibility.
    its hard and difficult often.
    often i feel like i, or one of the others has been hit 6 times before noon.
    some days i feel like we hit a wall. hard.
    the hits keep coming too.
    (and obviously, there is SO much good, so much encouragement and excitement, and other stuff - which I'm not mentioning here - because it IS GOOD, and HE is GOOD).
    but the Lord has truly encouraged me through 2 Corinthians 12.

    if we were sufficient, and we did it all right. and all by ourselves.
    where we would we lean into God.
    it's the hard stuff that drives me closer to Him.
    and closer with each hit. each challenge.
    and it sounds like He is doing the same thing for you.
    a gift of grace. (even if it doesn't sound like it).
    a gift of sanctification (for reals).

    thanks for boasting in your weaknesses today, Katygirl.

    <3

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  6. i read once that the reason God gives us tiny babes is so that parent and child can grow together, and that in the period of learning to be a parent the child will most likely not remember the hard days because they were just to little. :) thinking on that makes me smile because girl somedays were/are just plain hard.

    now that i have moved on to a new stage of mommydom "pre-teen/teen" years we still have really hard days, but now i can talk to my boys and reason with them. thank God for sure that he knows our limits.

    there is seriously no joy like the joy that comes from being a parent. even if it feel like your heart is running around outside of your body. ha!

    thanks for sharing your heart today. sending up prayers for you today.

    xxO

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  7. thank you for your honesty! i think if we were all that honest, we'd all say we have different stuff behind the computer screen :) good for you for choosing joy!!

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  8. this is such a perfectly worded post!
    i feel you, sister. wilder and story are 22 1/2 months apart so i know what you are going through. God made Story an easy baby so i could deal with wilder.
    soon, the kiddos will be more self-sufficient.
    usually that means they cop an attitude, too, but at least you aren't dealing with poop AND an attitude.
    though i still deal with both.
    and am currently finding this comment isn't very helpful.
    hugs

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  9. I'm totally with ya on this one sister!!! Braxton was 21 months when Brielle was born and I stressed for months about what he was gonna do while I nursed Brielle. I made all kinds of "busy bags" like the ones you see on Pinterest, came up with special "snacks" that he would get only when I nursed and I invested in a huge play-gate to plop him in. Because my boy could be on top of the fridge in 2.0 seconds if he put his mind to it. So the first day my husband went back to work I felt prepared. And that lasted all of 5 minutes. Stupid me had never attempted to put this play yard thing together. I'm trying to wrestle the thing into an octagon while Braxton has gotten into his fun new snack which was gone by the time the play yard is up. So he's got his FUN busy bags and I put his toy workbench in there just incase the busy bags weren't fun enough. Yeah...he threw the not so fun bags out before I had even sat down and he pushed that workbench over to the side of the gate and climbed right out of it. Plan B??? Locking the three of us in his room and me sitting on the floor to nurse. Tad different nursing experience than it was with the first one. I'd like to say that after 7 months it's all daisys and chocolate. But it's not. I cry almost everyday too. I keep telling myself it's a season of life and I don't want to wish them into being teenagers!!! We need to start a club for moms with 2 under 2!!!!

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  10. i love honesty. and this is real honesty.
    my son is going through that stage two (he will be two in 3 months) and it breaks my heart to see him acting like this because he used to be so laid back and gentle all the time. yesterday, he hit my tooth as hard as he could with his sippy cup while i was trying to put him down for nap. i have never been so frustrated with him in all of his 21 months. i cried. he pulled my hair and tried to bite me. i raised my voice at him (it was the first time, but definitely not the last) and asked why he was acting this way. of course he didn't answer. and i just cried more. sobbed. we both did. it was a lovely site.
    but you know what...it's comforting knowing i'm not going through this alone. i have HIM by my side to give me strength and other moms like you that make this stage feel almost normal. which, i know it is. i know you are doing great, even if it is messy.

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  11. I know I already text you about this but I just wanted to say again that you are totally not alone. You are an incredible mom. You are sowing some MAJOR seeds right now that are molding who your kids are going to be. Every tear shed is completely legit and justified and not in vain. Keep at it my friend. Love you!

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  12. I love your guts. And I've never even met your guts. Motherhood is so hard. And none of us have it all together. It's a journey that the Lord uses to sanctify us. And make us more like Him. Without troubles, challenges, obstacles there would be no need for Him. Or for Him to work in our crazy lives. And His life, love and redemptive qualities would not be glorified in us. It's WHEN we admit that we are at an end to ourselves, He can fully use us. And there's always rum. KIDDING. maybestagram. You are a good mama, Katygirl.

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  13. beautiful post! I have often thought about doing a post on discipline...which with kiddos in the " naughty" stage you do a lot of...lol. I was telling a friend the other day I don't wake up and thing..."gee in which ways can I spend the day discipline my children?"

    sometimes I think it would be easier to work full-time but then I have just erased all my joy and the very important task I have been blessed with ;)

    great great post!!

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  14. i have naughty kids too. so you are not alone! please never feel like you ever have to pretend for me. today ollie and i shared simultaneous meltdowns of epic proportions. he won. i lost my temper completely:(

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  15. thank you for being real. and know that i love you and your little boy and that precious little girl of yours too much for words.

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  16. I'm right there with you, friend! You're NOT alone! Anyone that tells you their life with two under 2 is rainbow farts & unicorns is lying!!! This is real life...we're all in this together, girl :) xoxo

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