Wednesday, January 9, 2013

two thousand and thirteen.

[last year i made a word for my year.]

it seems to be this new thing that everyone's doing. i chose the word refresh in hopes of having this really light-hearted year where i came out a new & rejuvenated person in all my relationships & with the Lord. instead, i had one of the hardest years of my life. instead, i feel exhausted & burnt out & so completely drained.

so you can see why i've been hesitant to make a new "word" for my year. what's the point even? i feel like when i got to the end of the year, i was disappointed that i wasn't refreshed. i felt like i had set my hopes up too high...what was i THINKING choosing a word like refresh when i was about to have a 2 year old & a baby?! so i decided in my heart that this word thing was just not for me.


and then the holidays came. and after a series of events that led scotty and i to look at each other speechless one day, i realized that i have a lot to learn. there have been very few times in my life that i have been as defeated & deflated as i felt in those moments of silence as scott & i stared at each other trying to make sense of everything that had gone on that particular day. it had nothing to do with our children, it was more about things that were out of our control. but i have been trying to get my feet back on the ground ever since & let me tell you...it has not been easy.

so when i stepped back & really thought about 2013 and where i want to be next december, refreshed was not the word that came to mind. no...the word refreshed makes me now want to throw a shoe at a wall. what really comes to mind is the word growth. what really comes to mind is the word different. what REALLY comes to mind is the word learn.


>>i do not want to end 2013 in the same place i began it.<<

i've got a lot to learn in this little mind & heart of mine.
i need to learn better boundaries.
i need to learn how to be a better friend.
i need to learn how to be a better wife.
i REALLY need to learn how to be a better mom.
and most of all, i need to learn a LOT about the Lord. a LOT.


a few days ago, i was hanging out with one of my dearest friends. she lives out of state now and was here visiting her family. my friend has three children. and two of them were born really, really close to miles & cammie. and i have always known she is the kind of mom i want to be. but when i was there, i saw her in action & just observed every little last thing. and the way she spoke to her children - in this gentle, yet firm discipline - made me stand back in awe. and i kept my mouth shut the whole time i was there about it. but i kept watching everything. how she responded to her children & how her children responded to her. when she spoke, they obeyed.

when i got home, i immediately texted her several questions. and instead of responding with, "my kids have never been hard for me" like so many people do (which is the absolute HARDEST thing for me to hear in this stage of life), she responded to my questions with clarity & confidence. and for once, i felt like, "i CAN do this." and i can. i CAN learn how to have better boundaries. i CAN learn how to be a better mom, wife, friend. i CAN learn & soak up everything i need to about the Lord & where he has me right now. i CAN. 

i have a deep desire in my heart to not only be the kind of mom that my friend is, but the kind of person that her children are. and i feel a tugging from the Lord - that he wants to teach me things. lots of things. life-changing things. and the only way that i will learn these things is in my response to him. he is a gentle, loving God - and i know he wants to gently teach me so much. and i want to be obedient to his probing. to his instruction. to his Word. 


i truly believe that learning produces confidence.
because when you really learn what 2+2 equals, you don't forget it. 
when you learn how to spell d-o-g, you know it. you're confident in it. 
and i believe that if i choose to glean all the wisdom i can this year, 
i can end 2013 a different person than who i started 2013 being -
and staying exactly where the Light is every second of the way. 

so that's what i'm going to do. and that is my word for this year: learn

...i feel like i can't go wrong with that word, right? RIGHT?!?!?!?!?!

21 comments:

  1. Please, oh please, share some of your friend's insights?!?

    Begging here!
    xoxo
    Nikki

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  2. okay, so i'm totally curious about the question and answer session with your friend. i want to learn too!! here's to a year of learning!!
    p.s. your photos are lovely.

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  3. No u can't go wrong! With an open heart to learn and soak in what God has put in front of u is a wonderful goal for the year!

    Heather

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  4. God is good and faithful! And you won't go wrong with this one! In fact you are already on track, learning from 2012 and it's word.

    We even talked about this last night at bible study. We are wise about what we know, what we love, and what we need to know (thanks Jessica). god will guide you in wisdom and knowledge in all these areas, He is faithful to his promises!!!

    Love you Katy!

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  5. good words, katy.
    i', sorry for the hard. i know the lord has much to teach you, and me! i'm excited for a new year of growth.

    love you!!

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  6. First of all, go ahead, throw a shoe at the wall. It might feel good. Girl, being a mom and wife are the hardest and best things all at the same time. I didn't pick a word for the year but my heart is to be better in all areas. To really work to improve in the areas I feel weak in. I know with God's help I can do it. So here's to new lessons and fresh grace in 2013. We're in it together!

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  7. you're open heart is so beautiful. I love reading what you write and how you learn...I think that's your life word cause it's true of you all the time. And your kind words are so encouraging. I can't believe what you wrote. It's kind of overwhelming. I love you.

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  8. Learn is a perfect word.
    How does that old saying go? "A day where nothing is learned is a day wasted."
    Those those girls from the "B" family are amazing. Jess' sil in law is the same way. I always leave her so encouraged.

    Happy learning Katy.
    xxO

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  9. What a lovely post. I think that your word for 2013 is just perfect. God is going to take your open heart and fill it right up. His love shines through you :)

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  10. Sounds like you've already learned a lot and it's only January 9th! I know I don't really know you at all but I have to say that this strong desire that you have to be a better momma to your babies and for your babies to be productive lil humans is so powerful and inspiring. I hope you can be just as proud of that DESIRE as you can about the end results. :)

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  11. I love this & I love your heart!

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  12. I love what Jami said in her comment. Very well said. I too, want to improve in the areas I'm lacking...with God's help. Our focus has to be on Jesus. All things are possible...we just need to keep our focus and sights set where they should be. Being a wife and mom are hard. I am realizing that more and more, but by the grace of God, new every single day, I have to keep trying to be the best I can for them. No one is perfect. We are going to screw up, but we have to get back up, ask for forgiveness and try again.
    It pained me to read that you think you're not the mom or wife that your friend is. I don't know you, no, but I think sometimes we are too hard on ourselves and we harshly compare ourselves to others. I'm sure there are things you need to learn, we all do, but give yourself credit for the good mom and wife that I'm sure you already are :)

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  13. I think making that word your word for the year is brilliant. I sincerely hope that it opens all kinds of insights for you. :)
    My word this year is kindness. I'm going to spend my year choosing kindness as my first response to everything, in hopes that it will make me a better person, but also in hopes that it will teach my children to choose kindness as a first response. :)

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  14. Please please please share some of the questions/answers you had with your friend. Struggling mommies need to know!

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  15. good thoughts. i will never feel like i have "arrived" so to speak. i feel like i am always always learning and growing and will til the day i die. i have no room to ever point a finger at anyone's immaturities.

    and the hard part for me is being patient as God matures me. it's all on his time line. he initiated any good work in me.

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  16. i want to learn to. i like your word. it's a good one :)

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  17. i love you. this encouraged me so much.

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  18. loved this post. i have picked a word for 3 years now and really have done much other than pick it and think about it for a while.

    this year i will make m word stick and think about it!

    thanks for the encouragement!

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  19. PRETTY PICTURES and encouraging word for the year. Love you!

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  20. I basically loved this whole thing.
    I think you are right. We CAN.
    With a teachable spirit and open heart, we CAN become better at all of those things we want to be.

    good words here katygirl.

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