Wednesday, October 23, 2013

dear miles.


dear miles,
you've been doing this thing lately when you get in the car.
i'm sure to other people, it is no big deal.
but this mama doesn't want to forget.
and it seems like that's what this blog has become lately.
things i just don't want to forget.

anyway, lately when you get in the car, i turn on the radio.
and you eat your little afternoon snack while we drive to the usps.
and you and your sister sing your little hearts out to katy perry's roar song.
and the past few days, after it is over, you say, "now i want to listen to the Jesus song, mommy!"
because when we listened to it a few weeks ago, i told you it was about Jesus.
the song you're talking about is called "what a savior."

i'm not sure i've had as sweet of a moment as a mom as i have when you listen to that song.
because here you are, just three years old, belting at the top of your lungs,
you don't even know what those words mean. at all, really.
but it does something to me...the tears that stream down my cheeks cannot be stopped.
you sing it so beautifully for a little 3 year old boy.
and the innocence that you sing with...brings me so much joy at the little life you live.

today, before i turned it on, i said, "do you know what the words mean that you're singing, miles?"
you said no. obviously. how do you know that Jesus could be your soul's deepest desire?
so i said, "the words you're singing mean Jesus is THE BEST. he's better than ANYTHING ELSE. no matter what."
you said, "okay, mommy." and then you started singing.
you sing your heart out. i tell you to sing so loud every time i turn it on.

but today on our drive, i realized so much.
at three years old, the hardest part of your day is when you want to watch the lego show but it is sissy's turn to watch tinkerbell. devastating.
or when it is time to come inside and you just dug your way all the way to China in the backyard.
or when you've made a poor choice and there is a consequence.
and at the end of the day, we teach your innocent little heart that Jesus is THE BEST. no matter what.
just like the song says. he is more than any other.

but there will be a day when you will learn what cancer is.
or what peer pressure is. or what death is.
or what hurt feelings are. or what divorce is.
you'll learn that people are mean. and there is a lot of evil the world.
you'll learn that life is really, really hard sometimes. really hard.
little boy, you will learn that there will be days where you wake up and you don't want to sing your heart out.
you will learn that sometimes life feels heavy & dark.
i hurt for those days when you learn that.

but you know what?
no matter what.
he is still stronger. he is still higher. more than anyone else.
those dark days, those heavy days...
those are the days that you sing your heart out louder than any other day.
you belt it out...just like you do now. you don't worry how you sound. you don't worry how you look.
you don't worry about anyone else around you.
you tell Jesus that HE IS THE BEST.
no matter what.

miles, i love when you sing your Jesus song.
best thing i've ever heard from you.