Thursday, October 30, 2014

dear camden jane.

dear camden jane,
let's talk about you for a second.
last week, as i was getting miles ready for the day,
i suddenly heard some sort of liquid spilling out.
i ran into the bathroom which was literally around the corner.
and there you are. on the floor. with hyland's nighttime cough medicine for kids.
except, the bottle was now empty.
and the funny thing is, that before you went into that bathroom and got the bottle out,
the bottle was actually in a sealed box.
with the plastic wrapper still on the childproof lid.
and yet, here it was empty.
so that means you a) climbed on the counter and got the box off the highest shelf.
b) climbed back down onto the floor.
c) opened the box.
d) opened the seal.
e) opened the CHILDPROOF LID.
f) drank half the bottle.
g) poured the rest on the floor.

now don't you worry, little girl.
i called poison control immediately and they said you'd be fine.
but good lord, child. how in the world? 
this makes me nervous for the future. 
you are very determined in your little mind and heart.

now that miles is in school, we get to spend a lot of time together.
and i am learning a lot about your little heart.
you are fiercely determined. you are strong in your decisions.
you have your mind made up. you are independent.
you are sneaky and naughty and your choices prove you are curious.
and while sometimes i feel that every day is an uphill climb with you,
i know that your heart is tender.
and gentle. and you have such a sensitivity towards others.
you are kind, and loving. i watch you express your concern and your cares.

there is one thing that i've grown to love about you.
because this part of you reminds me of myself.
you always want to do something on your own.
you never want help. you always say, "i can do it."
and you try and you try and you try.
and i used to argue because i knew you couldn't open the applesauce on your own.
or you couldn't put your pants on by yourself.
and it would save so much time if i could just fasten your seat belt without you always wanting to do it yourself.
but now i let you try.
i let you try until you've tried so much that you just come over and say, 
"i need help, mommy."
and i can see the defeat on your face. 
the desire and need for someone to come along side you 
and guide you through what you're asking for.
and then i teach you how to open the applesauce.
and i help you put your pants on.
i guide you through how to pedal your own bike.

and i've realized that is how i am with God.
when he's called me to something (like this parenting gig - especially this parenting gig),
a lot of times i say, "i can do this. i got this. i don't need help."
and then after trying and trying and trying,
i humbly go to him and say, "i don't got this. i can't do this by myself. i need you, Lord."
and he embraces me. and guides me. and directs me.
and we do it together. instead of apart.
wouldn't you agree it is better that way?

cammie jane,
girl. you've got me dreaming big dreams for you.
it is you and me together. you're teaching me so much.
& i'm a better person because of you.

but please. please stop climbing on my counters and drawing on my tables.
i'm tired. and i may need a drink.

1 comment:

thanks for stopping by today!
if you asked a question, check back right here!
thanks so much. xo.